I am not going to even mention writer’s block… I guess this will be the “norm” for my blogging adventure… An update every 4 months. Can I please call it “the quarterly report”? Or I can always have a summer vacation excuse…
I am at a very strange point in time in my life right now. I have been at my parents house since June.
It’s been years since I didn’t have a summer vacation. Couple of years ago, E told me that he missed summer vacations. I didn’t understand him. Summer vacations were left so far behind for me. The last one I had was in freshman year in college. Even that summer I worked at my father’s office. However, after becoming a Mom or even before than I have been stripped from my career woman pants. I was going to be one of those Moms who worked until birth, then would probably send the kids to daycare after 3 months. However, the kids taught me real early that they have their own set of plans. (welcome to parenthood 101) They decided to make an entrance when I was 24 weeks pregnant. We “shooshed” them away and I was immediately put on bedrest for 11 more weeks until I gave birth. After that I cannot really say my productivity at workplace increased much. 4 months on bedrest, then 2 months at home. Then back to work for a month, then I spent 8 weeks with my family last year. I also decided I can take the kids to work to save some money (wink, wink… I didn’t want to be away from them during the day)… We were on track to get some babysitters in line and I was just getting my sealegs at work, we got the unfortunate news that my Mom has been diagnosed with lung cancer in June.
We weren’t even planning to visit family in Turkey this year. After we got the news we came home immediately.
I cannot help but feel that I am on vacation. I try my best not to lose my identity as a working woman, but each day I feel more and more embedded in my stay-at-home mother role. I am very fortunate to have a wonderful husband who takes care of our family while I am spending time with my mother. She is going through 4 rounds of chemo. As everyone mentioned the first 6 weeks were very hard for us. With 2 toddlers in tow, I couldn’t help with anything while she was in and out of the hospital. Since the 2nd week of July we are having a great time when my Mom feels well. We have a routine very similar to our summertime routine when we were kids. The routine is, we wake up with the kids’ morning cheer (or scream) then we continue until we are tired! We have 4 women, including myself cooking everything in the house. We talk about a menu in the morning and by noon we have tons of food. I go to the organic food bazaar every Saturday. I make 4 rounds to the car just to carry the stuff. Most of our life revolves around food and the kids. Since I am not the “mother” of the house things are different for me here. I am a mother, still chasing my 2 little ones. But I have very different responsibilities in my parents house. I am more of a sidekick rather than the real deal. I am very happy that my mother is still the queen mother, and we have to obey her rules.
One of my brothers lives about 200 yards from us. My aunt is here to help. We have cousins visiting. We have a 10 pm ice cream party. -we had to give it a name after we had it everynight for 10 straight days-. It’s such a different environment than what we have back in the US, I sometimes wake up and think I had a strange dream.
In reality, there are many days where I question how much time I have left with my mother. I am definetely not ready to lose her. I don’t think I have even been a “mother’s girl” type of person, but the love I have for my mother is very strong. And I cannot even imagine a world without this person. There is so much she still teaches me everyday. I need her to help me to be a mother, to be a good wife and to be a good person. Then there are days where I even question my stupidity to question life, where we don’t even know how much time we have here. I hug and kiss my kids… I hug and kiss my mother… As one of my friends mentioned I “remember that we are just passing through”… Then I miss my husband and my home terribly but just try to think that it’s for the “summer”. I look forward to the few weeks I will have with him to enjoy the end of the summer.
I am having a very strange summer. Life is passing by and I can feel it in my bones. I am hoping things will continue to go well for my family and I will look back and cherish these wonderful summer days we spent here…